I realized the other day, that we discuss the ripple effect- throw a stone in the water and see how it effects everything around it. I feel like my like my life has been in the ripples of those around me. Rolling with the waves, out of control. And though the feeling is still there I feel like I have been blessed with a boat to weather the storm.
A recent boy has made me painfully aware that I have survived more than I had ever thought. I know it is only by prayers of others and my own. I can say that I know God will make us as strong as we need to be, and for some reason I don't know. I am suppose to be strong. It seems lately when I am feeling low and struggling he sends someone my way to help me put things into perspective.
My 30th birthday is approaching quickly- And I realize more than ever that this in not the life I pictured or planned for myself and have been feeling low. But I realized (reflecting on the conversation with said boy) that this isn't a bad life. That Heavenly Father, heard my prayers. I use to pray that I would be able to raise Lucy in a happy, healthy environment. I would pray to be happy and be able to help others.
Though don't get me wrong my heart still aches and I'm sure it will for a long time, I never wanted to raise Lucy in two family homes. And I never pictured things turning out like this. But I do know that there will be a light at the end of this tunnel and I know that God can see the bigger picture.
I taught my first young women's lesson the other day. About the importance of growing a testimony. I struggled, I felt like I didn't know how to teach the lesson. I never had that big moment, where I prayed to know the truth, it was something I always knew was there. I never doubted the church. I never doubted that there was or is a Heavenly Father looking out for me. When my life plan was burned in front of me, that was all that was left. The foundation of my life. My knowledge that God lives and loves me. The unchanging principles of the church. Though I have had dark days, and I know there will be more to come I know that I will come through it. I didn't know why I needed to be strong but I realize now- I need to be strong so that my daughter will be too. I pray that she doesn't have to go through a life like mine, and will fight like hell to protect her from all that I wasn't. I know that the tears and struggles will pass. and though I can't control all that is going on around me. I know more than ever I can only control myself, my actions and attitude.
Someone got into my car and stole my temple bag a couple of months ago (along with a few other things) I was upset and frustrated. I immediately bought new things so that I could go, only to remember that my recommend was in the bag as well. I was recently finally able to get back, and know that I don't want to let anyone ever stop me from going. That I really was "robbed" of blessings and peace of mind. And don't want it to happen again in any way, shape or form.
I am thankful for the few that have stuck with me. I am thankful for the few that have dropped into my life to teach me quick lessons. And I am thankful for those that I am able to help, I think in many ways they help me more than I can help them.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Auntie Kaycee
Kaycee came to town! I think Its been 7 years or more since I have seen this little brat, and she has turned into an adult! How does that happen? It was fun to catch up with this girl.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
May
So I am a bit behind this month! It took me a little while to realize we were already in May!
Lets see, where to start with miss Lucy. She suddenly grew. She seems so tall lately.
Her love affair with Frozen has grown, She can sing all the songs and was watching and quoting the movie today. I have also noticed that she memorizes songs quickly and easily. Its pretty cute to hear her sing along to my music...though it has also forced me to be careful about what I am listening to around her.
She and Frank still sleep and play together. It's pretty cute. The other night she was at her Dad's house and Frank went in her room looking for her.
She loves bubbles! In the tub or outside with the machine or blowing them herself. I think they need to make a new e-card with just a picture of bubbles all over and a mom passed out from blowing them!
For some reason she doesn't like the swings anymore. Last year that is all she wanted to do, but this year when we go to the park all she wants is to slide! She loves the big open slide, nothing beats her smile as she comes down by herself.
Her speech is improving, and her sentences have grown to 5-6 words.
In the mornings she comes into my room and tells Frank, "come up here, Frank" and then comes and tucks herself in next to me before saying "mom, wake up! I hungry. Want bar...peas". She then tells Frank " come on Frank, potty outside".
If there is mud on the floor, she automatically thinks its Franks poop, for some reason. Its funny.
Her favorite books this month are The Cat in the Hat and Go, Dog Go. We read them every night.
I've noticed that she can count to 20, she forgets 5, but other than that she's got it down.
She loves to color! Loves her little markers, I noticed that she is starting to draw shapes and color in images, not in the lines but it seems like she can tell what objects/ characters she wants colored.
She loves blocks! Still plays with them daily. I have noticed that her building has become better, she knows how to stack them and sometimes will not only stack them evenly with the high and low blocks but will also sort the colors. So each level is one color.
Lucy will often pretend to be a kitty or a frog. Both of which will growl and bit at you...not sure where she got that!
She loves her puzzles. I took them away for a little bit and just returned them to the play area. She will make all the animal sounds when she puts them back in their place and can now do the alphabet one all by herself, and can name most of the numbers and all of the colors. Its crazy how fast she can learn and absorb.
I almost forgot! She is crazy about blankets! Loves and has to always have one. Not one in particular which makes life easier, but always has to have one to take in the car and to daycare.
She is still so sweet and loves to cuddle. I think that helps make it easier to watch her get big. Since she still requests "hold you please" and "mom, Cuddle you"
Not sure how I ever got along with out this little ray of light.
Lets see, where to start with miss Lucy. She suddenly grew. She seems so tall lately.
Her love affair with Frozen has grown, She can sing all the songs and was watching and quoting the movie today. I have also noticed that she memorizes songs quickly and easily. Its pretty cute to hear her sing along to my music...though it has also forced me to be careful about what I am listening to around her.
She and Frank still sleep and play together. It's pretty cute. The other night she was at her Dad's house and Frank went in her room looking for her.
She loves bubbles! In the tub or outside with the machine or blowing them herself. I think they need to make a new e-card with just a picture of bubbles all over and a mom passed out from blowing them!
For some reason she doesn't like the swings anymore. Last year that is all she wanted to do, but this year when we go to the park all she wants is to slide! She loves the big open slide, nothing beats her smile as she comes down by herself.
Her speech is improving, and her sentences have grown to 5-6 words.
In the mornings she comes into my room and tells Frank, "come up here, Frank" and then comes and tucks herself in next to me before saying "mom, wake up! I hungry. Want bar...peas". She then tells Frank " come on Frank, potty outside".
If there is mud on the floor, she automatically thinks its Franks poop, for some reason. Its funny.
Her favorite books this month are The Cat in the Hat and Go, Dog Go. We read them every night.
I've noticed that she can count to 20, she forgets 5, but other than that she's got it down.
She loves to color! Loves her little markers, I noticed that she is starting to draw shapes and color in images, not in the lines but it seems like she can tell what objects/ characters she wants colored.
She loves blocks! Still plays with them daily. I have noticed that her building has become better, she knows how to stack them and sometimes will not only stack them evenly with the high and low blocks but will also sort the colors. So each level is one color.
Lucy will often pretend to be a kitty or a frog. Both of which will growl and bit at you...not sure where she got that!
She loves her puzzles. I took them away for a little bit and just returned them to the play area. She will make all the animal sounds when she puts them back in their place and can now do the alphabet one all by herself, and can name most of the numbers and all of the colors. Its crazy how fast she can learn and absorb.
I almost forgot! She is crazy about blankets! Loves and has to always have one. Not one in particular which makes life easier, but always has to have one to take in the car and to daycare.
She is still so sweet and loves to cuddle. I think that helps make it easier to watch her get big. Since she still requests "hold you please" and "mom, Cuddle you"
Not sure how I ever got along with out this little ray of light.
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